There comes a point when my fridge is empty
and I haven’t got any food
and maybe I haven’t been out for a day or two…
what happens is that i feel my chest tightening
and my breathing is getting shallower and
as I’m getting more anxious
I feel as if I’m being strangled in some way.
My heart beats louder and louder
to the point where
I think that other people are actually going to hear my heart
I feel my body is like jelly I’m not at all sure footedI’m scared that I might fall over
a prisoner who’s moved out into a very hostile area
and er, I dunno how long this is gonna take
I’m overwhelmed I mean to be surrounded by this cacophony of noise
and I’m now stuck behind someone trying to gauge:
how long is it gonna be before I get to the counter ”
This is just a bloody nightmare!
Now, because I’ve been feeling these things for decades
I recognise that there’s a way through this
because I was convinced that it would just kill me altogether
because the level of stress I’ve been carrying around,
I thought would give me a heart attack
or something similar.
And so far it hasn’t.
It’s rather like a fish wriggling at the end of a hook.
Initially one might think:
Mike’s wriggling in this way
and it makes no sense at all
he’s doing a crazy dance.
Until you see the hook in my gullet
and it starts making sense
I think a lot of us are wriggling .
That’s seen as a kind of illness…
without the vision of the hooks that we’re bound by so it seems that our behaviour is very crazy when in context it isn’t