I woke up this morning with a bad hangover
And my penis was missing again
This happens all the time
It’s detachable

This comes in handy a lot of the time
I can leave it home when I think it’s going to get me in trouble
Or I can rent it out when I don’t need it

But now and then I go to a party
Get drunk
And the next the morning, I can’t for the life of me
Remember what I did with it

First I looked around my apartment
And I couldn’t find it
So I called up the place where the party was
They hadn’t seen it either

I asked them to check the medicine cabinet
‘Cause for some reason I leave it there sometimes
But not this time
So I told them if it pops up to let me know

I called a few people who were at the party
But they were no help either
I was starting to get desperate
I really don’t like being without my penis for too long

It makes me feel like less of a man
And I really hate to having to sit down
Every time I take a leak

After a few hours of searching the house
And calling everyone I could think of
I was starting to get very depressed
So I went to the Kiev and ate breakfast

Then as I walked down Second Avenue toward St. Mark’s Place
Where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street
I saw my penis lying on a blanket next to a broken toaster oven
Some guy was selling it

I had to buy it off him
He wanted 22 bucks but I talked him down to 17
I took it home, washed it off
And put it back on

I was happy again, complete
People sometimes tell me
I should get it permanently attached but I don’t know
Even though sometimes it’s a pain in the ass
I like having a detachable penis

Detachable penis
Detachable penis
Detachable penis
…