X Mulder and Scully Meet the Were Lizard
X-Files is back!
Mulder finds that everything the unexplained is now explained many times over on something called he Internet – and if its not a hoax or student prank, it’s just ice.
Now middle aged Mulder has a bit of an existential man-crisis – all the fun has gone out of investigating conspiracies, UFOs and the like – and especially, monsters.
“Mulder, we have a new case – it has a monster in it” – Scully.
Guy, a 6ft horny toad lizard with an Aussie accent, gets bitten – and for first time experiences a voice in side his head – his voice.
He becomes aware of how he has experienced his first thought.
And he hates it.
Having been awakened to his new humanity he finds he now has a compelling urge to go out and get a job, so he can get a mortgage – whatever that is.
He needs no skills or qualifications – he now possesses the single evolutionary advantage humans have over all other animals – the ability to BS his way through any situation.
He feels compelled to lie about his sex life.
And, having been driven to get that job, he hates his job.
Unhappy, he goes to see a “witch doctor” – a psychiatrist
who advises him to go for walks in the cemetery-
to assuage all his anxieties by reminding himself it will soon all be over
when death comes to him too.
Eventually, Guy realises that the only way he can get by as a human is to spend as little time as possible amongst humans and as much time as possible with fury animals.
Then someone takes his dog.
Sucks being human, eh?
If you want some context here’s the scene.
If you just want the line then go to about 1:00 in.
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