I had voices in my head but bullies didn’t try to understand

HOW can you tell if someone is mentally ill just by looking at them? Often you can’t. Identical twins Gemma and Charli Patterson went through hell when Gemma had a breakdown.

People asked: “Which one of you is the loony?”

Now a new Scottish Government campaign called What’s On Your Mind wants young people to think about their behaviour towards someone of their own age suffering mental health problems.

The twins were 15 when they faced Gemma’s breakdown head-on and battled ignorance and bullying.

Here, Gemma tells YVONNE BOLOURI how they coped.

GEMMA and Charli are identical.

There’s no way of telling which one had a mental illness. There are no bandages or plasters to give clues.

But when Gemma started hearing voices, it was Charli she turned to for help.

Gemma, 20, of South Uist, Outer Hebrides, recalled: “I was 15 when it happened and there was a fair bit of bullying that went on both inside and outside school.

“Kids would shout, “Are you the crazy one? Shouldn’t you be in the loony bin?’

“If they had known how distressed I was, would they have done it anyway?

“It’s not that they didn’t understand. They just don’t try to understand.”

Gemma was abused as a child, and believes that may have been the trigger for her illness. Situation was attended to, or so it seemed. But when I was about 15 I started hearing voices in my head.She said: “The abuse situation was attended to, or so it seemed. But when I was about 15 I started hearing voices in my head”

It was a man’s voice. One minute it would be telling me that I was safe and he was looking after me, and the next he’d tell my I was worthless, no good and that I should kill myself. The voice also told me not to tell anyone, so I didn’t until eventually I confided in my sister Charli, but I begged her not to say anything.”

The voices were constant, loud and clear, telling Gemma he was her best friend or her worst enemy.

She revealed: “They’re in your head, so all you want to do is believe them.

“They were pretty constant. Even in moments of silence, ‘he’ was there. I never felt I was alone.”

Gemma’s breakdown came during a camping trip with Charli and their friends.

She said: “It all got too much and I was very distressed and crying because the voices were shouting. Charli realised I was ill, and we packed up and went back to one of our friend’s houses.

“My mum was away that weekend, but our friend’s mum is the local doctor, so she called her and she arrived with anti-psychotic drugs to calm me down.

“Then she phoned my mum and told her she’d have to come home because I was ill.”

Shocked mum Libby, 49, was distraught when she arrived back on the island and saw the state Gemma was in.

Gemma said: “She kept asking me what I’d taken. She was convinced I’d taken drugs.”

The youngster was referred to a psychiatrist in Inverness and her treatment began.

She said: “Between medication and counselling, I began to get better.

“My GP was fantastic and made sure I got the help I needed, quickly.

“That was five years ago, and my medication stopped three years ago.

“I’m now completely recovered but if it came back, I’d immediately seek help because you don’t have to suffer.

“If you tell at least one person then they can tell someone who can help.

“I told Charli and begged her not to tell anyone, but she knew I had to get help when I fell ill on that camping trip.” Gemma now works as a coastguard. She added: “My life is great. My family and friends are all extremely supportive and my GP is fantastic.

“When people take the time to learn and understand about mental illness it makes a huge difference.”

Sister Charli, a psychology student, admitted it was upsetting to see her sister suffering.

She said: “I had promised not to tell anyone because I wanted to support her, but I did tell our friends and in the end phoned Mum and told her.

“I was very angry with the comments people made, but I felt sorry because they were based on ignorance.

“We gave as good as we got, but some of the comments were very hurtful because it’s another human being in distress they were shouting at.

“Gemma suffered from mental illness and she recovered.

“No one should be afraid to seek help. It’s the first step to getting better.

“And those who bully and make comments should remember it could be their turn next.

“This isn’t something shameful to be hidden away.

“It’s more common than we realise so people must be encouraged to get help.”

For further info on See Me’s What’s On Your Mind campaign, go to seemescotland.org/whatsonyourmind

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